After all those years of living numb,
I sometimes think that I am dumb.
I’m not sure of the feelings I feel,
Or if they are really real.

For years I didn’t feel at all,
I would just hide behind my wall.
If a feeling would happen to come,
I would stall it, until I was numb.

Then, it would simply go away,
But, away it would not stay.
It would haunt me with it’s return,
At that point; denial I did learn.

Now, I have to consciously try
To feel, or they slip on by.
Decisions are hard for me to make,
I’m afraid to pick a road to take.

I question is it really God I hear,
Or the voice in my head, I hold dear.
So often, I have been wrong,
Following the voice that is so strong.

But, now I find, I don’t know,
Which way that I should go.
I ask myself how I feel,
And I make it into a big deal.

I reason and look from every angle,
Until I’m confused and it’s all mangled.
When I’ve made it into a big mess,
I bring it to God as a request.

I know I should just follow God’s lead
He promises to provide for my every need.
I fear I don’t know God’s voice,
And I will make the wrong choice.

So I do nothing, and just let things go,
God is disappointed in me, I know.
I question everything way too much,
And end up really out of touch.

I get myself so confused,
I really don’t know what to do.
In my life, it is a must,
To learn God’s voice and to trust.

I need to recognize my feelings
So I can go through life dealing,
With things that happen in and around me,
It’s important for me to clearly see.

So today this prayer I pray,
Lead me, guide me, in Your way,
Teach me, show me, Your voice and touch,
Hold my hand, I need You so much.

Deb Nelson